Focus… Toe Edge, Heel Edge… Tell me about the sleigh rides…
February 25, 2009
I feel like a robot at my job. When someone asks me to describe the sleigh rides I have to take a deep breath and pause to avoid tearing off the headset and storming out of the office. That breath is sort of like hitting the “play” button on the recording I feel like I am. I have Facebook open, I’m talking to someone who can’t read a bus schedule- but she’s from Florida and apparently lost some brain cells in the mountains, I’m bitching on the blog because I’m in a bad mood, I’m a thousand times more bothered that my roommate has a girl in town than I want to be or thought I would be, I’m leaving work an hour early so I don’t try and collect an extra hour of overtime. I’m going to ride tonight and I hope it makes me tired enough I can just go home and go to bed without looking like a bitch trying to avoid my roommate’s awkward 3 day date.
After graduating from college I didn’t have much time to wonder what I was going to do. I joined AmeriCorps NCCC in January 2006 and stayed with that program for two years. I worked hard and did a lot of productive work, but I also put off the “real world” for an extra two years. As a Corps Member I didn’t have to think about where I wanted to be or how to get there, I knew my Team Leader would tell me what I needed to do.
As a Team Leader I had a lot more responsibility, both to the program and to my Corps Members. People counted on me to be in a particular place and, to my disappointment in a way, when I didn’t go to work, things didn’t run smoothly. After AmeriCorps I was a little freaked out. For a short period of time, I had nowhere I had to be and nothing I had to do.
A year and a half and a half dozen jobs later, the same thought is running through my head. But instead of it making me anxious to find a permanent place somewhere, it is making me anxious to leave. I want to go on adventures. On a daily basis I reevaluate why I’m here. I already quit my second job, now I’m wondering if I can quit my primary one for up to a month before I move on to a job I am actually excited about. Everyday the dream of leaving seems more and more attainable.
