…and this is “news”?
February 13, 2009
Mr. Michael Phelps;
How dare you let your recent bong rip create such a ‘rip’ in the eyes of all Americans who look up to you. Who would’ve thought that your recreational activity of choice has recently created as much buzz as Michelle Obama’s attire. I mean, with the nation in a recession, I guess every one has more interest in what you do with your spare time than their work. And, instead of wasting thousands of dollars in Las Vegas and partying with the Bunnies all night long, why don’t you get a real job, Mr. Gold-Record Breaker. Didn’t you know that when you won you would immediately be thrust into the spotlight and become a role model for millions of people whom you’ve never met? Come on, Michael, grow up already, will you? You are 23 so now get back to the pool and forget about your adolescence.
Sincerely,
A Retired Kellogg’s Diner
Now…
Hello, American public;
Isn’t there anything else better on which to report, or even to read, than some 23-year-old filling his lungs full of smoke? If this kid wants to take a bong rip, so be it. The only thing maybe we should stress as a society is to make sure to cover your tracks and not be stupid enough to let someone take a picture of you.
If you’re trying to tell me that The Marijuana is cause for the detoriation of one of the most popular athletes in history, you should really get your ideals straight. And if you are sitting in your cozy Lazy Boy tearing down Phelps, maybe you should think back to the time when you took a ripper. If you’re shaking your head saying you never inhaled, slap your nasty face with your mother’s hand.
Thank you,
Your Friendly Fellow Society Member
